Skip to content

we hate jh – 아스팔트 (Asphalt)

Came across this group randomly on Facebook. The song reminds me of the Japanese anime outros I fell asleep to in high school. Makes me quite nostalgic.
we hate jhI originally planned this to be a vlog post, but I’m still not fully comfortable talking into that dimly lit dimwitted face of mine when I’m recording myself, so a blog it is. It really is an odd feeling you get, watching yourself talk… Anyways, writing as opposed to talking gives me a veil I can hide under, a false sense of security that I’m not being judged by what I write. Whatever.

As some of you may already know, I recently moved back to Boston. Well, I say recently, but it’s already been four months, and looking back, those four months have been quite arguably the most eventful and transformative time of my life. I dyed my hair. Finished a book. Purchased a camera. Got a cat. Named her Kat. Started showering at night instead of in the morning. And I slowly began to love my weekdays, even more than my weekends. Yes, I love Mondays and I hate Fridays. I never thought I’d say that.

I’m blunt and prideful, which is a nice way of saying that I’m an ignorant asshole. I’m also a lazy perfectionist, two qualities which when combined, result in the worst productivity imaginable; I refuse to half ass things, yet I’m unwilling to put the time and effort in to perfect anything. Still, I consider myself to be pretty smart and a fairly quick learner. In fact, learning is the one thing I truly enjoy. The only reason I decided to study physics and math was for the challenge, trying to understand the intricately simple set of rules that govern the universe. And that adrenaline rush I get from finally figuring something out, finally understanding how and why, that feeling… that feeling is unmatched.

And perhaps that’s why I also get bored of things quickly. I get “intellectually frustrated” when I stop learning new things or don’t have anyone around to intellectually engage me, and the repetitive, albeit stable, adulthood life provided neither. I had two people who I could talk to, even relate to, but that simply didn’t do. Every night as I went to sleep alone, it felt like another day wasted, and it hurt my pride. My dreams and ambitions that once kept me up now became the fantasies that put me to sleep. Is this all I am? I want to be more. I’ve always enjoyed being alone, always found comfort in it. Then why am I so lonely right now?

Now here I am, in Cambridge, Massachusetts, surrounded by people I can relate to, people who will laugh at all the stupid remarks I make, people who, to my surprise, seem to like me for who I am. And I’ve recovered from the post-graduate crisis that hit me hard. I’m back to being my spontaneous self, and I find myself revisiting all my ambitions, the ones I had since I was a kid. I’m still lazy, but I’m slowly making progress. I have so many things I want to do, too many things. I’m the type of person who’d much rather take the rocky road, with highs as big as the lows, even if the end-point is the same. I don’t want to live a boring life. So I won’t let myself.

we hate jh – 아스팔트

눈을 떠 천천히 주위를 살펴
따가운 햇살에 흘러내리는
사람들 눈동자엔 아무런 생기조차
느낄 수 없는 더운 날

몸을 싣고 달아나 버리고 싶지만
나에겐 그런 여유도, 생각할 틈도 없는 걸
저만치 마음만 날아 올라
화면 속에 비춰진 환상들 마저
이미 갔다 온 것처럼 체념해버린 내 발은
아스팔트를 벗어나지 못할 만큼 연약해

거짓말, 조금씩 긴장을 풀고
대담하게 늘어놓는 세계관
언제쯤 이 더위가 지나가고
내가 자연스레 잊혀질 수 있을까

몸을 싣고 달아나 버리고 싶지만
나에겐 그런 여유도, 생각할 틈도 없는 걸
저만치 마음만 날아 올라
화면 속에 비춰진 환상들 마저
이미 갔다 온 것처럼 체념해버린 내 발은
아스팔트를 벗어나지 못할 만큼 연약해

저만치 마음만 날아 올라
화면 속에 비춰진 환상들 마저
사라져 저만치 마음만 날아 올라
화면 속에 비춰진 환상들 마저
이미 갔다 온 것처럼 체념해버린 내 발은
아스팔트를 벗어나지 못할 만큼 연약해

그 정도에 머물러있어
말도 한 번 하지 못하고
하염없이 기다리는

사람들 눈동자엔 아무런 생기조차
느낄 수 없는 더운 날
we hate jh – Asphalt

Slowly open your eyes and look around
Under the blinding sunlight
The lifeless eyes of all these people
On this hot summer day

I want to forget it all and run away
But I don’t even have the peace in mind to dream about it
Trying to stay afloat in all my thoughts
Swimming away in the hopeless fantasy
Perhaps I’ve been swimming for too long
My legs give out as I fall onto the asphalt floor

No, I need to relax
All the worldviews I boast about
Perhaps one day, the sun will pass
And I’ll be able to disappear without notice

I want to forget it all and run away
But I don’t even have the peace in mind to dream about it
Trying to stay afloat in all my thoughts
Swimming away in the hopeless fantasy
Perhaps I’ve been swimming for too long
My legs give out as I fall onto the asphalt floor

Trying to stay afloat in all my thoughts
Swimming away in the hopeless fantasy
Everything fades away, but I’m still flying
At a place where I wish I could stay
Perhaps I’ve been flying for too long
My legs give out as I fall onto the asphalt floor

And that’s all it’ll ever be
Without water and without wind
Just simply waiting for the day to come

The lifeless eyes of all these people
On this hot summer day

 

Michael
Michael Administrator

1
Leave a Reply

avatar
1 Comment threads
0 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
1 Comment authors
Guest Recent comment authors

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
Guest
Guest
Guest

In your last post and this one, I realzed how similar you are to my friend. He’s also super interested about learning and excels at it, but it got to the point where he thought he had experienced all life had to offer and didn’t find much else intellectually stimulating. He dropped out of school and stopped socializing. He began living in his bedroom and spent his days either sleeping or going online. He didn’t care about anything and his family either didn’t care enough or didn’t notice. I didn’t know what to do. Intellectually I wasn’t at his level… Read more »